The Heart of the Game: Why Kids’ Worth Matters More Than Skills in Youth Coaching
If you teach or coach young people in any discipline—whether it’s basketball, ballet, skateboarding, or table tennis—you’re likely focused on helping them build skills and improve their performance. And that’s a good thing! Skills matter, especially in competitive sports where results often define success. However, your responsibility goes far beyond teaching techniques and chasing athletic performance. Kids are developing human beings, and they need guidance to learn the “soft skills” that will help them thrive in life. Whether you’re teaching a kong vault in parkour or a pirouette in ballet, the specific skills you’re passing on are just tools for that discipline. What arguably matters even more is what those tools help build: resilience, perseverance, teamwork, and emotional maturity.
The Real Value of Youth Coaching
Every discipline—parkour, basketball, skateboarding, ballet, or table tennis—has the potential to teach life lessons. Hard work, discipline, and teamwork are universal skills that can be nurtured through any sport or activity. But here’s the catch: these lessons don’t happen automatically, they require appropriate coaching. In fact, with the wrong coaching approach, these skills can be actively undermined.
So, let’s ask ourselves: To what extent does the specific discipline we teach actually matter? Many coaches take their craft extremely seriously, placing immense value on mastering specific skills and techniques. But how useful are those skills outside the narrow context of the sport? For example, as a parkour coach, I teach my students how to perform a kong vault. But unless they become professional athletes or coaches, that skill isn’t going to transform their lives. What will transform their lives are the soft skills they develop along the way.
Why We Shouldn’t Train Kids Like Pros
Let’s start with a truth we all know: some kids will grow up to become elite athletes or professionals in their chosen disciplines. But let’s also acknowledge another truth: the vast majority won’t. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s normal.
As coaches and parents, our hearts are in the right place. We want to support our young athletes, give them the best opportunities, and help them succeed. But sometimes, our definition of “success” gets skewed. We see the Olympics, professional leagues, or viral social media moments as the ultimate goals, forgetting that these are lofty ideals reserved for the top 1% of athletes. For the other 99% of kids, the “hard skills” we teach—while important—are not the most impactful part of their journey. What truly matters are the “soft skills” they develop along the way.
The Reality of Youth Training
It’s tempting to treat every young athlete as if they’re training for greatness. After all, we want to believe in their potential. But the reality is that most kids don’t have the drive, talent, or desire to become professionals. And that’s not a failure—it’s just life.
When we push kids to train like pros, we risk overlooking what’s most important: their growth as human beings. Success in sports isn’t just about mastering a skill or winning a medal. It’s about learning resilience, teamwork, discipline, and problem-solving. It’s about building confidence and finding joy in the process. These are the lessons that will stay with them long after they’ve left the field, court, or studio.
The Role of Parents and Coaches
Let’s not forget that kids are still developing—not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and socially. The decision to train like a pro isn’t usually in their hands; it’s often made by parents or coaches. And while these decisions are made with the best intentions, they don’t always consider the long-term consequences for the child.
Parents who weren’t elite athletes may not fully understand the demands of high-level training. And parents who were elite athletes might unintentionally project their own dreams onto their children. As coaches, it’s our responsibility to step back and ask: Is this what’s best for the child? Are we helping them grow, or are we pushing them toward an unrealistic (or even unhealthy) ideal?
What Really Matters: Soft Skills Over Hard Skills
Training kids like pros might seem like the best way to help them succeed, but it’s not always the right approach. For most kids, the skills they learn on the field or court are just the beginning. What truly matters are the life lessons they take away from the experience.
As coaches and parents, we have the power to shape not just their athletic abilities, but their character, resilience, and joy. Let’s use that power wisely. Let’s focus on what really matters: helping them grow into confident, capable, and compassionate human beings. Here are some of the most critical soft skills we can impart on our young students:
Emotional Maturity: Learning to manage emotions and respond thoughtfully.
Interpersonal Communication: Building relationships and working with others.
Problem Solving: Thinking creatively and adapting to challenges.
Resilience: Bouncing back from setbacks and staying strong under pressure.
Perseverance: Pushing through difficulties and staying committed.
Metacognition: Understanding their own thought processes and learning how to learn.
These skills are the foundation of a fulfilling life, and as coaches, we have the power to nurture them.
Actionable Steps for Coaches: A Balanced Approach
So, how can we prioritize these soft skills in our coaching? Here are a few practical strategies:
Focus on Development, Not Performance: Prioritize the skills and lessons that will help kids grow as people, not just as athletes. In fact, make these skills part of your curriculum.
Make It Enjoyable: Sometimes, the most rewarding experiences are the ones that challenge us. But if kids aren’t having fun, they’re unlikely to stick with it—or take away the lessons we’re trying to teach. Sometimes that means deviating from your lesson goals to better fit your students.
Let Kids Be Kids: Remember that childhood is a time for exploration, play, and discovery. Don’t rob them of that by imposing overly rigorous training schedules.
Prioritize Well-Being: This goes beyond physical safety. Consider how your students are treated by you, their peers, and even their parents. Results never justify harmful methods. Abuse—whether verbal or physical—doesn’t teach; it creates obedience to fear, not growth.
Embrace Difficult Moments: When kids want to give up, complain, or struggle, those are the moments that matter most. These are opportunities to teach resilience, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. Don’t see them as distractions—see them as teachable moments.
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Recognize and celebrate the small wins—whether it’s a new skill, a moment of teamwork, or a display of emotional resilience.
Why Parkour Excels at This (Yes, I’m Biased!)
As a parkour coach, I’ve seen firsthand how this discipline fosters soft skills in unique ways. Here’s why I believe parkour is one of the best tools for personal development:
Collaboration Over Competition: Parkour emphasizes working together, not against each other. This puts a lot less pressure on students to “perform”, while peers still encourage each other to improve.
Self-Reliance Over Supervision: It encourages students to trust their own judgment and abilities.
Creative Adaptation: Parkour teaches kids to think on their feet and adapt to challenges, both physical and emotional.
Interaction with the World: It fosters a deeper connection to the environment around us.
Embracing Challenge: Parkour explicitly values effort and growth over perfection.
The Bigger Picture
At the end of the day, the specific skills we teach are just a means to an end. What truly matters is the impact we have on our students’ lives. Are we helping them grow into resilient, empathetic, and capable individuals? Are we fostering joy and curiosity in their practice? Are we teaching them how to navigate life’s challenges with grace and determination?
That’s the heart of the game. And as coaches, it’s our greatest responsibility—and our greatest privilege—to prioritize it.
So, the next time you step onto the field, court, or mat, ask yourself: Am I teaching skills, or am I teaching life? The answer could make all the difference.